July 6

Mentally I am breaking down. Every little thing bothers me and sets me off. The funny thing is no one is there for me to go off on so I just have a pity party and keep moving. It was told to me early in recovery that if I’m in a bad mood I need to HALT. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. It's usually one of those 4 things that has us frustrated. Well guess what, it's all of them. I'm always hungry. I'm angry that the river won't cooperate with me and just push me down stream. I'm by myself all day everyday, so yeah I'm a little lonely. And I'm not even going to dignify the tired part. But sometimes you have to push through the hard times to get where you want to go. This river is a beast. There is a current and if you are in it, it can be dangerous. And if you aren't in it, it can be even more dangerous.  I am still in the learning stages of this river, so everyday is a struggle.  And throw the weather on top of it. I was rounding a bend today and saw a storm coming at me. You could literally see the rain on the water heading for me. Then I saw the lightning so I made my way to shore and tried to get a tarp set up before it hit. I failed at that too so I just put the blue tarp over my head and stood there like one of the ghosts in pac man.  After the rains I pushed on a few more miles before finding an island sandbar to camp on. I immediately felt better when I got out of the boat. But knowing I'm only a few days from Memphis makes me feel even better. I'm sure tomorrow will be a challenge, but if it was easy, everyone would be out here. At least that's what I'm gonna keep telling myself.